I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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