I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
