I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
