He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
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i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
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THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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