i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize