I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
