I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
