While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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