y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Are my feet made of real feet?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
