When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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