I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
