You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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