I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
