I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
