I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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