When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
