I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
