girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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