Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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