i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
