So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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