there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We're too hungover to prance.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize