WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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