dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
