just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
