you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
