Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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