Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
