so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize