I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
