What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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