No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I need moral support for this bender
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
