I wannas sexs uuuuu
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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