Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
