I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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