Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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