the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
