"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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