The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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