party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
