Where did you get a picture of my penis
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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