the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
