Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
