I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
