How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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