It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
