I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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