im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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