the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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