Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
