oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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