Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
