Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
