Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
