somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
