I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
